


Hope

by Afanficionado



Category: Produce 101 (TV), SEVENTEEN (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: After School mention, Angst, Anxiety, Based loosely on real events, Canon Compliant, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Idol Producer Season 2 | Youth with You, Idols are humans, MAMA2019, Nu'est mention, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Debut Seventeen, Team Feels, Team as Family, They need to sort out their feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29329821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Afanficionado/pseuds/Afanficionado
Summary: The other boy’s eyes glistened in the darkness, wide and pleading and hopeful to be let go, to have a chance at starting anew, to escape.“I’ll be back, Ge. I just need time to think. I promise, I’ll be back.”That’s what they all said.Junhui didn’t say much then. He barely remembers what happened after. His trainee days were divided to two parts: one minute they were there, and the other they were gone. It doesn’t matter who leaves and how many times these broken promises were uttered, Junhui hates himself for staying hopeful.----(A self-indulgent fic on Seventeen's reaction to The8 becoming a mentor for Idol Producer 2, meeting Yao Ming Ming, and recalling old memories along the way)
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Xu Ming Hao | The8, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Yoon Jeonghan, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun & Xu Ming Hao | The8, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. The Other Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Quick backstory folks - don't need to know to read the fic, but it would help give baby carats some context. 
> 
> This fic takes place in late 2018 during the 'Home' era, around the time when I figured The8 was casted as the mentor for Idol Producer 2 or sometimes called QCYN (青春有你). 
> 
> Some names are mentioned here.
> 
> Yao Ming Ming was a Chinese trainee under Pledis Ent. from 2012 to 2014. He was considered as a possible member of Seventeen and used to appear on Seventeen TV with the other boys. The reason he left is unclear and I don't want to make any assumptions, so I've kept it quite vague based on what I know from his one-on-one talk with EXO's Lay during that one QCYN episode. He participated in Idol Producer 2 where The8 was the dance mentor, and he eventually made it to the finals and debuted under the group UNINE. 
> 
> Jang Doyoon and Samuel are also both ex-Pledis trainees. One infamous, and the other is famous, even adored. Maybe I'll explore their relationship with Seventeen in future fics. 
> 
> "Ge" (哥) is the Chinese word for older brother, the equivalent of "Hyung" (형). Since most of the dialogues are between Jun and The8, I'm going to assume that they speak Chinese when it's just the two of them (one Going Seventeen episode said as much, but I don't remember which one). 
> 
> Jun and The8's relationship here can be interpreted as platonic or romantic - it's up to you.

“Ge.”

The sound of rustling plastic bags stuttered before resuming its course, the owner’s hands twitching irritably as the other boy across the room called out softly.

“Ge.” The voice became more insistent but never demanding. Time warped and suddenly Moon Junhui was thrown back to a dry summer night seven years ago, boxed up in a green room that had seen too many boys in the day and too many tears in the dark.

“ _Ge.” Even in his early teens, the boy’s voice had already started to deepen faster than his own. As Junhui leans his back against the full-length mirror, he tilts his head in acknowledgment, asking the boy to continue._

_“I’m going back.”_

_“Sure, go back first without me. I’ll see you in the dorm in a bit.” His native language rolled off his tongue comfortably in a privacy that’s rarely found in a room full of 14 boys._

_“I’m going back to China.”_

_“What.”_

_His response came out bland, neither surprised nor taken aback. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t ~~doesn’t want to~~ compute what the other boy was saying. He knows what the words mean. He **knows** and he hates that he knows._

_“I’m going back to China.” As if saying it a second time would be the nail on the coffin before it was lowered into the ground. And Junhui could hear the heavy thuds of freshly dug soil land on top of his heart, becoming faster and louder until he could hear it in his own ears._

_“Why? Is someone bullying you? Did the company say anything? Was it yesterday’s evaluation? I swear you did well! Your dancing is getting so much better – heck you’re even better than most of us. Do you miss your family? Don’t worry, it’s normal to feel like that in your second year. When I hit my two-year mark, I got so homesick that I had to ask the company to let me visit the nearest Chinese restaurant to eat some dishes from my hometown. How about this, I’ll bring you there this week! Let me talk to the company– ”_

_“No, Ge. I’m tired. I don’t know if this right for me. I need time to think – to get away.”_

_The silence bounced off the walls and amplified. The thuds from the soil had stopped and he was six feet under and Junhui could hear nothing._

_He looked at the other boy whose hair covered his eyes and body folded in itself, protecting its cracked heart from the green walls and wooden dance floors, the cameras in the corners of the room, the reflections in the mirror, and the person next to him that held the power to make him stay._

_And Junhui wished the other boy would stay. He could encourage him, tell him to not give up, that it’s just a phase that everyone goes through, that everything would be worth it in the end._

_He wished he were more selfish. He wished he could tell all of them who came through the doors to stay._

_“Ming Ming.”_

_The other boy raised his head and Junhui knew he could never say the words that he kept inside every time a Chinese trainee tells him the exact words Yao Ming Ming had just uttered to him._

_The other boy’s eyes glistened in the darkness, wide and pleading and hopeful to be let go, to have a chance at starting anew, to escape._

_“I’ll be back, Ge. I just need time to think. I promise, I’ll be back.”_

_That’s what they all said._

_Junhui didn’t say much then. He barely remembers what happened after. His trainee days were divided to two parts: one minute they were there, and the other they were gone. It doesn’t matter who leaves and how many times these broken promises were uttered, Junhui hates himself for staying hopeful._

_But Ming Ming had lasted the longest. Junhui thought he would stay._

_Years later, when the final line-up for Seventeen was announced, he laughed himself silly – loud and boisterous with tears of indescribable joy and relief because if not, Junhui would’ve burst into hysterics._

_He glanced around the room and saw some of the boys wrapped up in a group hug, oblivious to the others, now-officially-Seventeen members, who were busy calling their families and friends._

_Seungcheol, Jihoon, Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Mingyu clung onto one another, hands gripping each other’s forearms and shoulders until they were white, and painful, and so very real. To tell each other that this was all not a dream, that they have really made it this far._

_Junhui closed his eyes._

_Just how many boys have come and gone? How many gave up on their dreams? How many decided they could not wait any longer?_

_He looked at his team – at the group that dedicated four years and more of their lives for training, despairing, hoping, waiting, grieving, persisting, bleeding and **staying**. He admired their strength and isn’t jealous of the pain that they had gone through. _

_Because he has felt it enough times to know that bitterness leaves a lasting taste in the mouth and nothing can sugarcoat the pain of seeing another back walk out the door._

_As his eyes looked away from the group, he spotted Minghao, standing alone in an awkward daze, as if unsure if he was allowed to feel the same heartbreaking happiness since he had only trained for a year._

_An inexplicable rush of fondness and gratitude flooded his heart, and he marched straight to the other boy._

_Junhui pulled Minghao into a tight hug and tucked his face into the other boy’s shoulder, before finally letting go of his tears._

_“Thank you. Thank you for staying.”_

* * *

“Ge?”

A soft touch on his elbow startled him out of his memory. Jun has been staring at his reflection in the window for a while, plastic bag limp in his hands.

“Hao.”

Minghao waited. He knew Jun needed time to collect himself and to process what he had just said.

For all his dorkiness and eccentricity, Minghao knows Jun has a sensitive soul at heart. Someone who pours his all into feeling the lyrics of a song. Someone who takes criticism too seriously for his own good. Someone who has been through painful times in a past, that he has only heard of, but not seen.

So Minghao didn’t mind waiting. He gave Jun as much time as he needed, because this would affect him and the other members more so than himself.

Beside him, Jun took a breath and collected himself, hands once again wringing the plastic bag in his uncertainty.

“Are you going to take up the offer?” he asked softly.

Minghao reached out and stilled Jun’s shaking hands, before taking the plastic bag aside and setting it down on the table gently.

“Ge. You and I both know who I will meet if I agree to do it.”

“Yes, but it will be good for the team. For more people to know about Seventeen and see your talent.”

“ _Our_ talent. What I am today, I have learnt it all from you and the members. But Ge, you were there when manager-nim brought this up. They’ve explained the details and showed a list of all the participants. The members also know this.”

Minghao paused and gently squeezed Jun’s hands.

“Sure, it will be a good chance for more people back home to learn more about us. We can showcase our team’s best qualities and strengths to them. I want them to be more curious about Seventeen, and then show them how amazingly talented our team and members are.”

Jun flashed him a quick smile, but he started to withdraw his hands out of Minghao’s grasp. “Then you should take it! We know that you’ll make a great mentor. I see how you teach the kids when they’re struggling. Why are we even discussing this– there are so many benefits from–”

“But more than anything,” Minghao continued as if Jun hadn’t spoken, grasping the other’s hands tighter, “I want our members to be happy. We can get recognized, win awards and sell out concerts, but happiness doesn’t always come with those. You and the others have lived through a whole life that I don’t know of – no, don’t apologize, why are you apologizing – and there are people who had hurt you, whether they know it or not. And I want to respect that.”

“…They didn’t hurt me Hao, they just had different paths to take.”

“But you’ve walked the same path for a while, am I right? In that period, no matter how long or short, you guys have bonded over hardships, slept in the same dorms, shared stories and jokes. It’s okay to acknowledge that they’ve entered your life, made unforgettable memories, and _left_. Acknowledging that their leaving has hurt you doesn’t make you selfish, Ge, it makes you _human_.”

Jun bowed his head and took in shuddering breaths to steady himself. After a while he barked up a shaky laugh and looked up at Minghao, eyes suspiciously bright. He began swinging their hands back and forth, staring at them while he gathered his thoughts.

“When did you get so wise, Hao,” he chuckled wetly.

“I’ve always been this wise.”

“…Yao Ming Ming. Li Wen Han.”

The names charged up the static in the air and Minghao tensed slightly at the abrupt change.

“Ming Ming…was the last one before you came around. He had so much potential and was so good at dancing. I remember that he would teach me how to pull off the harder choreographies and he had only been there for a year then. I thought, of all the ones who have come and gone, Ming Ming would stay.”

Their hands had stopped swinging. Minghao gave Jun’s a little shake in encouragement.

“But he didn’t. Something came up. He was tired of waiting, or maybe he didn’t know if he wanted to be an idol, or maybe he had to go back to school – I don’t really remember anymore. But he left us.”

Jun paused to rubbed his eyes. Maybe it’s dust, or maybe it’s tears. Minghao didn’t want to ask.

“We all thought that after Doyoon and Samuel, no one else would leave. So when Ming Ming left, we all thought that…maybe we weren’t meant to debut. When they left, they each took our hope to debut with them.”

Jun released their hands and stepped closer to Minghao. He placed his hands firmly on the other boy’s shoulders, ignoring how familiar Minghao’s hands felt when it instinctively came up to hold his wrist and rubbed his skin soothingly.

“But Hao, everyone deserves a second chance. Those trainees all deserve to hope. Because that was all we could rely on for those two years. You gave us hope, Minghao. So go. Go and be that hope to them too.”

Minghao studied him for a second before giving him a small smile, eyes tinted with pride and affection as he stepped away.

“That was really cheesy, Ge.”

“I was kind of dying inside when I said it. But I meant it.”

“I know.”

“What will the others think?”

“They agree.”

Jun reeled back. “They do? Since when?”

Minghao crossed the living room and picked up the plastic bag on the table.

“Since yesterday, after practice. Coups-hyung and I lost the game and we had to clean the practice room, remember? And I spoke to Hoshi-hyung just now during lunch.”

“The lunch where you turned down my invitation to eat Ma La Xiang Guo because you said you were busy?”

“I was busy. Talking to Hoshi-hyung. And Ma La Xiang Guo is too spicy for my liking.”

Jun huffed and stomped around the living room area, grumbling under his breath about pretentious members and ungrateful brats.

“Oh come on. I’ll join you for dinner then.” Minghao said exasperatedly.

“I missed Ma La Xiang Guo for lunch because someone wouldn’t join me,” Jun pouted, crossing his arms. “So I’ll be making it for dinner instead.”

Minghao shook his head at the other boy, gazing softly at Jun’s entire sulky countenance.

“Fine. Make something else for me then. Since I’ll be staying here with you.”


	2. Passing the Baton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The8 approaches S.Coups to talk about an opportunity in China which promptly sends the leader down a thorn-covered memory lane. 
> 
> a.k.a The conversation that occurred before Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> February and early March saw Caratland at it's quietest, but I'm glad everything is starting to go back to normal now. I apologise for not updating earlier. It was due to a cumulation of work, borderline burnout, and also the first draft of the chapter disappearing completely on me. 
> 
> This chapter is told from S.Coups' POV because I feel like he carries a lot of hurt from the whole Produce 101 and Nu'est shenanigan. 
> 
> Also, if you hadn't realise already, The8 was referred to as Minghao in Chapter 1, and Myungho in Chapter 2. This is deliberate because each of the members refer to one another differently, and I'd thought to mimic that when I'm writing from their POVs as well. Hence, you'll see that Woozi is referred to as Jihoon (something that I've noticed S.Coups do a lot more so than the other members) while Hoshi remains as Hoshi. I don't think anyone if the group really calls Hoshi by his real name much anymore. 
> 
> S.Coups and Jeonghan are also the only ones who call The8 by a unique nickname, "Eissa". I find that super adorable. 
> 
> Happy reading everyone!

The last notes of the synths bounced off the walls of the practice room on an upbeat, whimsical tone. Reflected on the large, floor to ceiling mirrors were 13 boys, all posing with one arm stretched out to the side and one foot forward, as if they were suspended in time just when they were about to enter the doorway of a house.

“Okay!”

At the woman’s voice, time flowed again and 13 frozen boys released the breath that they were holding and collapsed into various states of exhaustions: some stumbled blindly to the standing air-condition unit, others scrambled for the water bottles lined up at the side of the room, while the rest simply collapsed on the floor, panting hard.

Choi Seungcheol squinted at the bright lights on the ceiling, as he laid flat on his back with limbs splayed out like a starfish, trying to catch his breath and marveling mildly at how his body still held on after so many years of dancing. Whoever decided to put three consecutive turns in the middle of this choreography deserves a good whack in the back of the head.

Without thinking too much into it, his hand instinctively moved to his right where Hoshi was lying flat on his stomach, head pillowed in his arms. Seungcheol’s hand hovered above the other’s head for a second before landing on messy black hair, patting it instead of whacking it, like what he had originally planned to.

Hoshi rolled to lay on his side and gazed tiredly at him. One of his eyebrows rose questioningly but the younger didn’t move away or voiced his question. He was probably too tired to do so. After all, they have been practicing non-stop for nearly 6 hours.

Seungcheol smiled and hummed non-committedly, as his eyes fluttered shut while his hand continued the rhythmic taps on the performance leader’s head. The action soothed him more than it did to Hoshi, but the self-proclaimed tiger seemed to enjoy it as well. Just as he was seriously considering to become one with the floor – hey, it was nice and cooling on his back – he heard Hyerim-ssaem addressed the group.

“Alright, let’s call it a day. You guys already got the general moves down, so we’ll work more on the details tomorrow. Good work today boys.”

A general mumble of ‘yes’ and ‘thanks’ went around the room. They were both too tired to synchronize their responses, and too comfortable with their performance director to act more polite. Hyerim-ssaem has been with them since they were idol-fetuses, already seen them at their worst, and practically raised them to become the grown-up idols and people they were today.

Seungcheol felt Hoshi’s head disappear under his hand when the other boy stood up, already moving towards the entrance to pack up his things. The leader couldn’t help but admire the other co-captain of their group. For all his talent, Kwon Soonyoung is one of the most hardworking and introverted people he knows. Where he gets the energy to hype up the audiences on stage, and still put a hundred and fifty percent into practice and choreographing their dances, Seungcheol doesn’t know.

Maybe it’s really the power of the ‘tiger’. As much as Carats like to tease Hoshi by calling him a hamster, Seungcheol thinks that Hoshi resembles a tiger more – not for the look in his eyes when he dances, but for his hidden, silent strength.

During dance practices, Hoshi prowls like a tiger stalking its prey – serious, quiet and strict, as he catches even the smallest of mistakes in their choreography. And contrary what most would think, Hoshi’s not arrogant about it. He dished out corrections with calm reasoning, praised other members when they get it right and was always open to different suggestions.

In fact, the person Hoshi criticized the most, is himself. Seungcheol admires the performance leader for his dedication to the group and their dance routines but sometimes, he wished that Hoshi would give _himself_ some leeway as well. Being a dance leader didn’t make Hoshi perfect in dancing, it’s perfectly normal to make mistakes.

But then again, Seungcheol would be a _hypocrite_ if he tells Hoshi to take it easy, so he keeps that one to himself.

“ONE!”

Seungcheol jolted out of his musings and shot up from his position on the floor. He was instantly on his feet, eyes opened wide in alarm. 

“TWO!”

The boys had wasted no time tonight, probably eager to retire to their beds. Seungcheol hovered aimlessly in the middle of room, narrowing his eyes at suspicious members.

“THREE!”

“FOUR!”

Seungcheol held his breath and clenched his jaws. Not yet. He should wait a little more…

“FIVE! SIX!” came in quick succession.

The time was now. He mustered up his courage and made his move.

“SEVEN!”

“SEVEN!”

Crap. Wrong move.

The room burst into cheers and laughter, except for two individuals who were gaping in betrayal at their own words.

“Who was it?! Who was it?!” Seungcheol shouted above the noise, half-crazed and half-laughing at being caught after such a long time.

A tall, lanky boy stumbled forward with hands stretched out, reaching for him. Seungcheol met Myungho halfway and clasped their hands together, before pulling the Chinese Junior into a mock-wrestling match on the floor.

“You! You should have waited for Hyung to speak! What happened to respecting your elders?”

Myungho giggled in his ears. “So you admit you’re old?”

Seungcheol grinned but tried his best to sound incredibly offended. “Who taught you to speak like that? Was it Mingyu?”

With a poker face that rivalled Jeonghan, Myungho nodded seriously. “Yes. He’s been a terrible influence on me, Hyung.”

“Wh-Yah! Don’t drag me into this!” Came an affronted cry from the far left of the room.

After the laughter died down, the rest of the members and staff calmly made their way out, while a couple of the cheekier kids – yes, they were Seungkwan and Mingyu – told them to clean the room well.

Seungcheol stuck out his tongue at both of them and gave Myungho a little shove towards the supply cupboard, while he quickly started up the vacuum cleaner. The bubble of warm, fizzy giggles refused to leave his chest and would occasionally spill from his lips whenever he thought of his members.

God, the kids were so annoying and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

White noise from the vacuum cleaner enveloped the room for the next few minutes, occasionally punctuated by the sound of crinkling newspaper sliding up and down the mirrors.

When Seungcheol turned off the vacuum cleaner, his ears was greeted with Myungho’s humming of “Our Dawn is Hotter than Day” as he worked away at the last corners of the mirror. After putting the machine away, Seungcheol sat down at one end of the room and waited for the Chinese member to finish up, absent-mindedly scrolling through his phone and joining Myungho in singing “Oh summer, summer, summer”.

Seungcheol loves quiet moments like these. The noise pollution from having 13 voices speak up at once can be a little overwhelming at times. Despite the many reactions people have towards having 13 members in a group – _“That’s a lot of member names to memorize_ ” – he never once regrets their large number. It’s unconventional, sure, but not unheard of. Super Junior also debuted with 13 members, and there were groups with ten or twelve that came after them.

But what sets them apart, what Seungcheol thinks made them special, was the fact that they came together – and _stayed_ together – after enduring years of hardships.

Seungcheol loves all of his members. So when there are rare moments in between when he can just be with one other member, he cherishes it even more.

Myungho took a seat right next to him and leaned his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder with his eyes closed. Seungcheol in turn, put his head above Myungho’s and continued looking at his phone. Their actions came as natural as breathing, as if they have done this a thousand times before. The two boys sat there, unconcerned by time and had no obligation to say anything, just enjoying the each other’s company.

Seungcheol was about to reply Jeonghan’s _what time r u n Myungho coming back_? when he felt the boy next to him stir.

“Hyung.”

Seungcheol hummed, letting Myungho know that he was listening.

When Myungho didn’t follow through with a question in the next few seconds, Seungcheol glanced down at the boy.

Myungho had opened his eyes and was looking distractedly in the distance, not really focusing on anything. Seeing that look, Seungcheol knew that the junior, who is always careful with his words and mindful of what he says, was trying to gather his thoughts in his head before he spoke. So Seungcheol waited.

“Do you ever think about how Samuel would’ve performed if he had debuted with Wanna One?”

…What?

Seungcheol tried his best not to tense up his body at the sudden question, but he must’ve failed since Myungho shuffled uncomfortably next to him. Luckily, the younger boy didn’t move away from their comfortable position.

What went away was Seungcheol’s brain. He was thrown out of the loop as his brain ran a mile an hour, trying to decipher what exactly the other boy was asking and _why_ he was asking.

It’s not like Samuel was a taboo topic for their group. Rather, all of them are extremely fond of Samuel, the unofficial baby of Seventeen they flock to, whenever they meet him at music and variety shows backstage.

Rather than Samuel, Produce 101 was a sore topic of Seungcheol. One that makes him want to burrow under a pile of blankets to avoid talking about it. Some members knew how he felt about Produce 101, and Myungho must’ve been one of them, though the younger boy probably didn’t know _how much_ anxiety the mere name of Produce 101, triggered him.

The answer is: A Lot. He has a whole jumble of feelings that he has yet to sort out, all jam-packed into that one particular show.

Yes. Seungcheol has carried all his worries and guilt for years but luckily for him, he is able to bury it under the layers of his members’ love and daily interaction. They make him remember that it was all _worth_ it.

But now that Myungho was asking, Seungcheol was careful not to accidentally let slip some of things he had only shared with Jihoon and Hoshi. So he calmed his brain and formed his own calculated, but honest-to-god response.

“He would’ve done amazingly. Samuel can capture the attention of the audience from afar, similar to what Hoshi does on stage. I know this because it’s what he has been doing so far. His solo stage is dazzling and many of his fans – and our fans – love him. Maybe debuting with Wanna One might’ve given him a head start, we’ll never know, but he has come all this way through his own hard work and I think I’m even happier for him because of it.”

There. He said all that he wanted to say. Seungcheol gave himself a mental pat in the back for successfully keeping any hint of sourness out of his voice.

But while he was satisfied with his answer, the elder could see that Myungho _wasn’t_. The other boy huffed a little, as if he was unimpressed at Seungcheol for being politically correct. But he also tapped his fingers and bit his lips, a telltale sign that he wanted to ask another question, but was unwilling to push further, in case it was a topic that Seungcheol wasn’t ready to talk about.

That’s their Myungho: ever polite, ever thoughtful, and ever sensitive-of-others’-feelings Myungho.

“Samuel is amazing and everybody knows that Hyung. But I wasn’t asking that. How about I put this another way – “

Seungcheol cut him off. “You wanted to know how I feel seeing Nu’est on that show…Right?”

This time, it was Myungho who froze. The boy clearly hadn’t expected Seungcheol to hit the nail on the head.

Seungcheol let out an audible sigh and ran a hand through his hair, trying to control his expression. It clearly didn’t work because Myungho looked apologetic. He tried to smile, but it probably looked closer to a grimace since Myungho looked even more flustered. Myungho opened his mouth to try and wave off the topic, clearly upset at making his hyung uncomfortable, but Seungcheol gently shook his head and put up a hand to ask the other boy to give him a minute.

The leader of Seventeen has always tried to be honest with his members. Whether it’s his feelings or his opinions, Seungcheol has never tried to hide them and he encourages his members to do the same. With a team this large, if they didn’t put their thoughts into words, miscommunication is bound to happen.

But the hyung-line and the other two leaders have an unspoken agreement to not worry their younger members with some of their concerns. Whether they were about ‘leader-type’ burdens, worries about their future, or the weight of their pasts, these types of conversations were always held behind closed doors, away from the younger ears.

It’s not about pride or anything of that sort. For the older members whom the younger boys look to for guidance more as an adult and individual rather than idols, they navigated new experiences among themselves and shared challenges that were more common for their age group.

As for Seungcheol, Jihoon and Hoshi, the three leaders of Seventeen who also spent the longest time as trainees, some memories and burdens were too personal and deep set to even mention it outside of Jihoon’s studio.

Nu’est being on Produce 101 was one of them.

The entire group knew that it was a topic they shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Especially not around the Nu’est members, who were now doing okay. The entire time the show was airing, most of the members had tiptoed around the three leaders.

Well, combined with their burst of popularity from overseas fans, back-to-back activities during their _Don’t Wanna Cry_ promotion, and preparations for their Teen;Age album, Seungcheol, Jihoon and Hoshi were generally high-strung and stressed for 24/7, at that time. That led to many sleepless nights spent in Jihoon’s studio just ranting to one another.

It was then that they spoke about their feelings about seeing their friends and seniors on that survival show.

Being one of the first original Pledis boys who were previously in the line-up to debut as Nu’est and Tempest, Seungcheol and Jihoon had to blink back tears as they watched the first episode together in the darkness of the studio. Hoshi, who had practiced with Jonghyun, Baekho, Aron, Ren and Minhyuk in his early days as a trainee, who had remained close with them even when he saw their careers dwindle and the spark slowly disappeared from their eyes, had to look away when Nu’est received their Produce 101 ‘grades’.

***

_“I would’ve gotten a ‘D’,” Seungcheol said when the show cut away from his former-brother-in-arms._

_Jihoon and Hoshi didn’t speak. They couldn’t._

_Seungcheol, ever the masochist, went on. “Kahi-sunbaenim was too harsh. She should have tried to convince the other judges that they were not their usual selves! All of them deserve an A.”_

_At that, Jihoon glared at Seungcheol. “Don’t be so naïve, Hyung. Do you really think Kahi-sunbaenim is that kind of person?”_

_“…The moment you step on stage, you need to give it your all. Nervous or not, they showed their best there hyung. Don’t deny them that.” Hoshi quietly but firmly added his two cents._

_Their words stung, but Seungcheol isn’t that blind to see that they were absolutely right. He got up from the coach and paced in front of the two of them, slowly riling himself up. He couldn’t sit still and the studio felt too stuffy. Seungcheol needed to get out of there._

_“You feel guilty don’t you. You think it’s your fault that they are there.”_

_As usual, Lee Jihoon broke past Seungcheol’s defences with all of his blunt charm. Their seven years of friendship, allowed him to easily see and touched something incredibly ugly and raw inside. Something that Seungcheol had strived to push down and hide, all these years._

_The leader of Seventeen stood rooted on the spot, with his back facing the two other leaders. He couldn’t show his face now. Not when their were right._

_Yes, he feels guilty. So, so guilty. Because…it could have easily been Seungcheol who was standing on that stage in that show._

_He could imagine it all too easily. Kahi announcing his grade and him accepting it with a kind of disappointed resignation. Just thinking about it made Seungcheol realise that he doesn’t really add anything to the group – not vocal, dance or rap, there were other members that were much more talented and better than him. Other than being just a number to thirteen and an off-handedly appointed title of a leader, Seungcheol has nothing._

_Moreover, there wasn’t much ‘leading’ the team needed, especially when they have Jihoon and Hoshi. The kids are also good at looking after themselves and each other, that Seventeen didn’t really need a leader to begin with._

_Worst of all, Seungcheol feels guilty of Seventeen’s success. Just thinking about it makes him want to punch himself. Instead, he dug his nails into his palms. Seungcheol has been been trying to make the thought go away, but Jihoon’s words brought a mirror to his face and forced him to see the ugly reflection there._

_Some nights, when all the members were asleep, Seungcheol’s thoughts would go to the Nu’est members. He remembered being so incredibly jealous and hurt when their CEO had pulled him out of Nu’est’s line-up. He stood by the side looking longingly as his friends shot their way to success._

_When Seventeen had finally made their debuted, Nu’est was still as popular as ever, going on world tours to meet their overseas fans and always had a schedule lined-up. Seungcheol spent enough time texting Jonghyun to know that Nu’est was so jam-packed with activities, they barely had time to sleep. But Jonghyun hadn’t complained one bit. Even then, Seungcheol knew that being busy means that they were in-demand – that they were well loved by their fans and popular among the public._

_As Seungcheol and the other Seventeen members worked their butts off at every new song, every dance practice, and every variety show, they had lost track of time and the people around them. Before they knew it, the future started to look more promising and they were gaining more fans day by day._

_Was it then, Seungcheol had wondered, when things begun to unravel for Nu’est? He knew it was incredibly selfish to think that it was because of Seventeen that Pledis overlooked Nu’est, because **rationally** , there were so many other factors that an entertainment company couldn’t have predicted or control. The K-pop industry is brutal and volatile. Anything can turn the tide of success towards you or away from you. _

_But hidden in the darkest corners of his heart, Seungcheol felt like he has stolen something away from Nu’est. Some may call it a useless sense of responsibility for something he has no control over, but to Seungcheol it was real. Maybe it was because he was almost one of them. At one point, Seungcheol had prayed day and night so that he could **be** a part of Nu’est._

_Seungcheol has never voiced this aloud to anyone, not even to himself. He thought that admitting it would break him and make him regret debuting as Seventeen. But he **doesn’t.**_

**_He doesn’t fucking regret debuting as Seventeen._ **

_But now Jihoon, a member of Seventeen, had managed to put his insecurities about Nu’est into such simple words. It made him feel vulnerable and he could barely breathe. Those words ripped at old scars, hastily closed by thin stitches and words that he doesn’t recognize as his own, started to ooze from the gaps in between._

_As he tried to slow down his harsh breathing and tried not to panic in front of Jihoon and Hoshi, he heard the shorter boy gave a small ‘tsk’._

_“Of course you’ll think that. You and your misplaced sense of responsibility, Hyung. None of this is your fault, or anyone’s fault for the matter. Not the company’s. Not theirs. And certainly not yours. You don’t need to get yourself so worked up.”_

_“Jihoon-ah. Stop it.” Hoshi, who has been quiet the entire time, finally spoke up. “I know where you’re coming from, but I also understand why Coups-hyung thinks that way. You shouldn’t invalidate his feelings.”_

_Jihoon blinked at Hoshi for a bit before looking away and sighing, but he did mumbled a quiet apology. “No-I…I didn’t mean to do that. Sorry Coups-hyung, I should have phrased my words better.”_

_Hoshi smiled proudly and patted Jihoon on the thigh, before reaching out to Seungcheol. He tugged at his eldest hyung’s hands and unfurled Seungcheol’s palms to run his thumbs soothingly across the indented crescent marks left there._

_“Coups-hyung. You’ve trained with them the longest, so this probably affects you more than us. You’re closer to them than we are, and like,you’re practically at the same age with most of Nu’est, so maybe you feel responsible for them as well. Now that we’re getting more attention from the public, maybe you feel like you’ve stolen some of their spotlight, right? Like, Pledis shifting their attention and money to Seventeen ‘cause we’re gaining popularity quicker than Nu’est, or something similar, correct?”_

_Hearing it bluntly and shortly from Jihoon was bad. But hearing a detailed, summary of his innermost thoughts from Hoshi felt somewhat worse. Seungcheol let out a pathetic whimper at the truth being slapped across his face. There’s no escaping now._

_Heck, even Jihoon was staring at Hoshi in surprise at his incredibly sharp observation and concise words._

_Seungcheol realized then, that for Jihoon and Hoshi to get to the point so easily must mean that the thought had also crossed their minds at one point in their lives._

_But Hoshi wasn’t done yet. “Think of it like this Hyung. If we hadn’t been able to make it as Seventeen, if….say we failed two years into our debut, would you blame them? Because Nu’est had a large, strong fanbase when we just came out. Would you blame the company because they were pouring more money for Nu’est’s overseas concerts and left Seventeen with only a small budget?_

_Well, if Hoshi puts it like that, Seungcheol really couldn’t say anything. Because he, and the other members would never, ever put the blame on anyone but themselves. It was a natural train of thought – what if I’d danced harder, what if I’d sang louder, what if I’d tried to stand out more, and so on. They wouldn’t blame it on the company or at other groups._

_There are other factors too. Whatever you call it – fate, time, place, luck – those are some things that one have no total control of. And sometimes, those things favor some more than others, without logic or reason._

_“…Hyung?"_

_It seems Hoshi was determined to get a response from him. Seungcheol sat back down on the couch and leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he didn’t need to look up to know that it was Jihoon, showing support in his own way._

_“No. I wouldn’t blame them.”_

_“Well there you go,” Hoshi said lightly. “They have the courage to appear on that show after all that they’ve been through. They probably know better than anyone how unfair the situation is and they don’t blame anyone. So let’s not discount their courage. It hurts me to see them like this, but I’m also so. damn. proud.”_

_Jihoon echoed Hoshi’s sentiment with a slight squeeze on Seungcheol’s shoulder._

_Seungcheol had once said that looking at Hoshi’s face makes him feel relaxed right before a performance. It’s not just because he exudes a kind of assurance that can only come from hours of practice, but it’s also from this kind of headstrong and almost-one-tracked belief that everything will be all right. Seungcheol isn’t sure where Hoshi musters this confidence from, but he’s grateful for it._

_The three-leaders sat there in silence while another trainee group appears on screen, eyes bright and hopeful for a chance to shine in front of 50 million Koreans._

_“….I just don’t want anyone to get hurt, you know?”_

_“I know, Hyung, I know.”_

_None of them mentions that no one will come out from this unscathed._

***

Seungcheol could feel Myungho’s eyes on him as the minutes passed in silence. He was so caught up in his memories that he hadn’t realise his phone was buzzing with text messages from Jeonghan.

_ Hannie: Choi Seungcheol, I know you’ve seen my message. R u & Myunho coming back soon? _

_ Hannie: Do u need me 2 send a van there? _

_ Hanni: Coups-ya, reply me be4 I get worried. It’s almost 2.30am. _

_General-leader: Sorry, I’m chatting with Myungho abt something. We’ll be back at the dorm soon. Don’t worry. _

_ Hannie: K. I’ll leave living room lights on. The kids r asleep so be quiet when u come in. Don’t come back too late.  _

Seungcheol sent off his quick reply to Jeonghan before putting his phone down on the floor. He gave Myungho his full attention.

“To be honest, I…was scared for them. It was so _difficult_ to watch them. It takes guts to show up on that kind of stage, especially after you’d made a name for yourself. You’re expected to be better than the rest in terms of skills and experience, and the whole word would have their eyes on you – ready to praise, judge or condemn. But after seeing Nayoung and Kyulkyung’s success, I was hoping that they would also achieve the same miracle.”

He gave Myungho a small smile at that, and the other boy relaxed a little, knowing that his leader was okay to talk about it.

“But I was also so _proud_ of them for not giving up. They went into it knowing that they had to start out from the bottom, and they had held their heads up high. Even if Jonghyun, Minki, Baeko and Aron-hyung didn’t make it to the final Wanna One line-up, they got the recognition they deserved and came back stronger than ever. So I guess all’s well that ends well.”

Seungcheol let his words settle between them for a bit. It felt good to say it aloud, now that he knew the ending of the ordeal. It took some time and maybe a good talking-to from Jonghyun, who may or may not have heard from Aron, who may or may not have heard Jihoon hinting at how Seungcheol was feeling to Aron, who then may or may not have nudged his leader to speak to his long-time friend.

Honestly, Seungcheol was grateful to have such good friends in his life. Even if they did go behind his back sometimes.

“Thanks, Hyung.” said Myungho, giving him a slightly embarrassed look. “I wasn’t sure how to ask you about it. I know it’s uncomfortable for you.”

Seungcheol reached over to ruffle Myungho’s hair, earning a slight whine from the boy who shoved him away playfully.

“You know you can always come to hyung if you have any worries, right?”

“I know, I know. That’s why I’m telling you this now.”

“Oh?” Seungcheol paused a little with his eyebrows raised. He wasn’t really expecting any more news bomb tonight.

But he was proven wrong when Myungho straightened up and looked straight into Seungcheol’s eyes.

“I was invited to be the guest dance mentor for China’s Produce 101. The second season. It’s a cool offer but one-”

“Uh-wait, that show where Lisa from Blackpink was featured in?” Seungcheol asked, blurting out the first thought that crossed his mind.

“…Yes, Hyung,” Myungho rolled his eyes. “Really? _That’s_ your first question?”

Seungcheol quickly defended himself, “Hey, you can’t say that the show didn’t become iconic because Lisa was in it! They gained so many Chinese fans after that.”

Myungho shrugged. “Fair enough. But I was also going to add, before you jump the gun there, that Yao Ming Ming is listed as one of the participants.”

At _that_ , Seungcheol did pause. But not for long.

“Ah, is that why you wanted to talk to me about Produce 101?”

Myungho’s leg bounced a little in nervousness and he replied with a small ‘yeah’.

The leader looked warmly at Myungho, who had suddenly found the floor very interesting. Their Myungho was always so considerate of the members’ feelings. Honestly, the programme would be a good exposure for both him and the group, and any normal person would have jumped at the offer.

One of Seungcheol’s duties as the leader of the group is knowing where each member is at, at all times. That sometimes means memorizing their individual schedules to make sure each Seventeen member shows up where he needs to be. So the fact that Seungcheol doesn’t know of this yet means that Myungho must have told their manager not to say anything, until Myungho had spoken to him.

Seungcheol resisted the urge to mess up Myungho’s hair again, but he does put a hand on the other boy’s knees to stop its bouncing.

“Thanks for letting me know, Eissa. But I don’t have a problem with that, and I’m sure neither would the other members. We parted with Ming Ming on good terms and it was his decision to leave Pledis. It was also his decision to join this show. Don’t worry about us and just accept it. You’re a great mentor to us already.”

Seungcheol saw the Chinese member in front of him flush a little and also deflate in relief, which goes to show how much he had wished for his leader’s blessing.

How cute, Seungcheol thinks.

“Thanks Hyung. But let me talk to Hoshi-hyung and Woozi-hyung first. If it makes them uncomfortable, then I’ll rethink about taking up the offer.”

“I don’t think you’ll have a problem with Jihoon or Hoshi. They never had a problem with Ming Ming. But…I think the most important person you’ll need to ask is Jun.” mused Seungcheol.

Myungho tensed slightly at the mention of the other Chinese member of their group. “Jun-hyung would ask me to accept it with a smile on his face, while keeping all his hurt feelings inside.”

“Yup.” Seungcheol popped the ‘p’ and chuckled at how well they knew their residential fake maknae. “But he’s more mature than you give him credit for. Trust him.”

Myungho nodded and leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closed.

“Okay. Talk’s over. Let’s get back to the dorm before Jeonghan skins us alive.” Said Seungcheol as he frowned at the clock. “Walk quietly once we’re back yeah? I wouldn’t want to accidentally wake Jeonghan up when we enter the dorm.”

Myungho shook his head at his ‘fearless’ leader, as he gracefully stood up. “Wow. You’re so whipped, Hyung.”

Seungcheol replied as solemnly as possible. “Eissa-shi. You should thank your lucky stars that you haven’t encountered a pissed-off Jeonghan at 4AM in the morning. I barely survived.”

The image was a little scary but a lot funny, and the two laughed at that, as they made their way out of Pledis’ building. Seungcheol slung an arm across the other boy’s shoulders as they walked towards the direction of their dorm. The air was a little chilly and the weather was getting colder, but the moon was bright.

The brightness of the full moon reminded him of the studio lights he had stood under all those years ago.

***

_“And the final member to debut as Wanna One is…”_

_“HA SUNG WOON!”_

_Seungcheol’s eyes landed on the other boys on stage, faces bravely held together under the glaring lights of not just the lighting equipment around them, but also all 50 million pairs of eyes watching them across the nation._

_Eyes were watching him too. Carefully accessing his reaction._

_He would_ not _react. He would not give them that satisfaction after they have hurt his friends._

_The rest of the show ended in a blur and at the end of it, Seungcheol found himself backstage, arms full of a crying Kim Samuel._

_“You did well, Samuel-ah. You did so, so well. We’re all so proud of you. You’re going to be great, just wait and see.” He muttered into Samuel’s ear, trying to drown out the crying boy’s own self-deprecating thoughts._

_Seungcheol knew what it feels like to not get chosen. He’s been there before._

_Samuel cried even louder, burying his face into his former leader’s shoulder. “I- I thought I had a chance! I- wanted to stand on stage with – with all of you!"_

_“You will Samuel. Trust hyung on this. You will stand on the stage again one day. And it won’t be because of votes or ranks, but through your own effort. We’ll always be here waiting for you Muel-ah.”_

_Seungcheol’s eyes caught Jonghyun’s from across the room. Kahi-sunbaenim was also there, next to him, looking at them with tears in her eyes and utter disappointment at…who, he doesn't think any of them really knows._

_The three leaders looked at one another as their youngest bawled his eyes out. A silent understanding at the unfairness of the world, empty promises, and unending struggles went unsaid by all three of them. Because even though Kahi, Jonghyun and Seungcheol were from different groups, they were still the leaders. The ones who had to lead a group with nothing but promises that things will get better, the people who had to keep their group’s hope burning bright, as if their lives depended on it._

_It probably did._

_As the Mnet staff members started to disperse the backstage crowd, the three Pledis leaders nodded at one another – whether in thanks, apology or encouragement, no one knows, but they mutually agreed to pass the baton of a long marathon to Samuel._

_Seungcheol wished with all his might, there and then, that the young boy will carry the hope they’ve shared. He wanted the boy to run the race with everything that he had, just as they all did – and still do – because at the finish line, Seungcheol was sure that Samuel will find all three of them waiting eagerly for him._

***

The door gave a small beep when it closed behind them. Seungchol and Myungho toed their shoes off at the entrance of their door and made their way quietly inside. The living room light was still on as they set their bags down by the common area’s couch, along with some of the other members’ bags.

Mingyu wouldn't be too happy tomorrow, but Seungcheol figures he’ll cross that line when it happens. He went to the sink to get a glass of warm water as he thought back about the emotional roller coaster he just went through in the span of an hour. Oh he’ll feel the lack of sleep keenly tomorrow, no doubt, but he doesn’t regret it.

Rather, he was proud that Myungho had gotten the offer and he couldn’t be happier for the junior. It’s not just about going to China and representing their group there, but also giving those trainees a chance at debuting.

For seven long years as a trainee, Seungcheol had ran on fumes, desperately crawling towards the finishing line. Now that he has 12 members to run a new race with him, maybe it was time he passed the old baton to Myungho to give to those hopeful trainees.

Deep in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the water overflowing his cup and he gave a yelp at the sudden hot temperature, finger quickly letting go of the glass.

_CRASH_

…

Shit.

In a distance, they could hear the sound of a door opening. 

Seungcheol froze in his spot while Myungho, who was about to enter the bathroom, also stopped mid-way. Brown fearful eyes shot towards the other as the guilty party pleaded for help. 

Myungho blinked at him for a second before his eyes turned sad. 

“I’m sorry hyung, but your sacrifices won’t be in vain. I’ll be sure to pass the baton to the future generations. Please rest in peace.”

The little devil then gave him a salute and closed the bathroom door with a resounding click. Seungcheol was left with nowhere to hide as footsteps came closer towards him.

Caratland hath seen no fury like a Yoon Jeonghan awakened at 4AM.

Seungcheol doesn’t regret what he did today. But tomorrow, he's definitely asking the managers to move them to a dorm that has at least two bathrooms in their living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, S.Coups is my bias. So I may have gone overboard a bit in this chapter. 
> 
> The final part is a result of some 3am rambling with user @The Lazy Doormouse, who is responsible for dragging me into the diamond life. I hate you, and thank you. 
> 
> Go check out her fics! If you're a Percy Jackson fan, she has a SVTxPJ fic that's AWESOME. 
> 
> \----
> 
> Since the fic is loosely based on real events, I've made a handy list of where I get my sources from. 
> 
> 1\. Yao Ming Ming with pre-debut Seventeen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C-FhqffPkw (he comes in at mark 0:10, in navy shirt with a white bear drawing. You can clearly see Jun and Ming Ming's close bond here)
> 
> 2\. The reason why Yao Ming Ming left: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNB9tpy8clk (in QCYN, he briefly mentioned it to EXO's Lay, who was a mentor at the time)
> 
> 3\. S.Coups went to watch the finale of Produce 101 Season 2: https://aminoapps.com/c/carat-amino/page/blog/s-coups-attend-final-produce-101-last-night/RqNB_vESwuwG10ZWxBVmrWGZmd2EJ6eRRz (he was in the area where the parents were at.)
> 
> 4\. The finale show was basically a Pledis' leader reunion party: https://twitter.com/stoneyfan/status/875737745104134148?lang=en (Kahi, leader of After School, JR, leader of Nu'est, S.Coups, leader of Seventeen, and Nayoung, leader of Pristin, were all present. Oh, and the Vice President of Pledis also went to. He's the only good guy in Pledis we like.)

**Author's Note:**

> All I wanted to write about were the members' reactions when they heard The8 was going to be a mentor for QCYN and what they feel about him meeting Yao Ming Ming. But lo and behold this fic has a mind of its own and 3am me was just a puppet at this point. Jun's not my bias but bless his heart, he's a sensitive boy. I may have been subconsciously inspired by the his latest solo song "Crow". The lyrics are so good and sad - please give it a listen and support our boy. 
> 
> I may write another chapter from another member's point of view when I get the time. Until then, Carathae everyone.


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